Sun or rain?

Many people dream of emigrating. A life where others go on holiday. That sounds wonderful at first, but the thoughts we have too often deviate too much from reality. And I would like to make one thing clear right at the beginning. Emigrating is a big step and demands a lot from us, but the shit really starts to hit the fan once you're there. Suddenly you are faced with reality. Ideally, it's reality with sunshine or something, but in any case it suddenly doesn't have much to do with what we imagined. And this is exactly the crucial point. No matter how well you have planned and researched beforehand, the reality is simply different. Problems will arise that you didn't expect and once the initial emigration adrenaline rush wears off, your psyche will start to speak up. And now it's a matter of taking action.

I myself chose southern Spain. When I was sixteen, I had spent a year abroad in a small village in Huelva and lived with a host family. Accordingly, I already knew the region very well, and since I had kept in touch with my family and friends over the years, it wasn't as if I had arrived and was facing a completely new beginning. Actually, the circumstances were perfect. But it was still hard at the beginning. As it happens, I quickly realised that although I still love my friends from the past very much, we have simply developed in very different directions over the many years. Our interests and topics of conversation rarely overlap and so I had to find new connections. But "had to" is actually the wrong word, because as tough as it was at the beginning to suddenly no longer have the great and familiar circle of friends in the immediate vicinity, the opportunity that arose was wonderful. Have you ever thought about how much of your behaviour is due to what others expect from you? For me, for example, it's hugs. Unlike many of my friends, I was never a person who sought much physical closeness. Not because I didn't want to, but because I never learned to and found it very difficult to show feelings. Over the years it turned into, "Lilli doesn't like to be hugged". The consequence. You can guess. And although I had tried to revise this impression in a few conversations, after all these years it was already so entrenched in the minds of my friends that it was hard to change anything. And now I was suddenly standing there, in Sevillla, as a blank slate. No one expected anything from me and no one was afraid to embrace me because they thought I didn't want it. Emigration can become an escape if you take your problems with you. However, if you actively work on it and really take advantage of this great opportunity, then it can become a new beginning. Then it can change our lives for the better. And then, day by day, it becomes more and more what we had dreamed of before.

For my part, I can say that I took advantage of this opportunity, but it was not easy. To begin with, after the first wonderful summer months had passed me by as if in a frenzy, everyday life caught up with me in the winter. I had found a beautiful flat, the furnishing project was finished and now I was sitting there. Most of the time alone. And so it wasn't long before I slid straight into my first winter depression in Andalusia. I only really noticed it when my friends from Germany came to visit. I noticed that I was laughing out loud. More than I had in a long time. And I realised how much I missed it. My friend said to me at the time that I now had everything I wanted and should stop complaining, and I have to admit that this sentence hit me very hard. Yes, it is true. Without having done anything at all for it, I often feel better here in Spain than in Germany. This is due to the wonderful weather, the fact that I never have to postpone plans because it rains, the fact that the people are so incredibly warm and regularly put a smile on my face, the beautiful city I live in and generally the higher quality of life I feel (to be honest, it has to be mentioned at this point that this is so high for me here, as I still have a foot in the German working world professionally and therefore do not suffer from the Spanish economy). Nevertheless, his statement hit me because I wasn't sure if he thought I was naïve enough to think that just moving would change everything or if he was? In any case, it was clear to me from the beginning that it would take a lot for me to arrive here. Nevertheless, there is again this discrepancy between imagination and reality, and reality just hits hard.

And as paralyzed as I was during that time, because I lacked strength and joy, I continued to work ambitiously in the moments when I had enough energy to arrive. The first thing I did was to enroll in sports clubs. I knew that it would do my body good and that I would meet new people there. And what can I say, over time, rowing, skating and yoga together turned into having a beer together, an evening out together, a vacation together. I also signed up for an app where you can meet like-minded people. You create a small profile, write what you like to do and then you can match like on Tinder. And also in this way I have met some great women, which I take more to my heart with each meeting and which become more familiar to me with each outing. The last step, the most important one for us, was one I didn't think I could take. I work from a home office and although I have my own small office room, I realized that being at home all day was taking its toll on me. An office, I was sure, I could not afford though. I had already done some research and the prices for a shared office were between 300 and 600 euro. Impossible. But after a year, I realized that it could not go on like this and started looking. And who would have thought it, I found a kind of artist association in my favorite neighborhood, which is not about making money with the rental, but about working with nice people. And now I call a small desk in a former factory building next to a huge window to a small patio, mine and have been able to expand my business network again in addition to new acquaintances. For a year, I had simply assumed something without it corresponding to reality. What nonsense I can only say. "Doing" is the key to happiness. Simply do!